My Four Year Old Made Me Cry

My four year old made me cry today.

It’s almost here and every day leading up to it gets harder. Not sure if it will ever get easier.

I can think of so many times this boy has made me cry.

I cried in the bathroom the moment my life changed forever. Those two lines appeared and I cried as I wrapped my head around the idea of you forming inside of me.

One morning I started bleeding and I cried because I thought that I was losing you. I had only “known” you less than a week and I prayed that you would never leave me.

I cried when you wouldn’t let me eat and nothing sounded good. How many plates of homemade hash browns did your daddy have to make me because it was the only thing that sounds good? A LOT!

I cried to your Mima at IHOP, asking her when I would finally meet you, because I just couldn’t wait any longer to have you in my arms.

Little did I know, you would make me cry again less than a day later. A LOT!

Four years ago, I cried in the shower after my water broke. I had no idea how to be a mom and be responsible for another human.

After hours of pain, focus, and determination I cried on your daddy’s shoulders and told him I couldn’t do it. I cried some more after he told me how strong I was and that he KNEW I could.

Then it happened. The part that would change me forever. The doctor told me to reach down and grab you. I pulled you up on my chest and you bet your bottom I cried.

Now obviously I have cried a lot over the last four years because – hey, motherhood aint so easy but yet again…

My four year old made me cry.

We went out in the snow today and took a few pictures to document him turning 4. It was just me, him, and daddy just like it was four years ago. I held him, he laid his head on my chest exactly like he did that day and everything came back. HOW IN THE WORLD HAS IT BEEN FOUR YEARS?!

All those tears I shed because of how this boy has changed me came pouring in all at once.

I held you and I cried today because you’re four. Because you’re four and you changed my world, FOREVER.

Happy Birthday Josiah.

If you want to read the letter I wrote to him at 2 Years Old – Find it here.

Read about his beautiful birth story Here.